Moron can’t string sentence together in front of legislature

I have no comments on this one.  After all, we need, like, food and stuff!  And it’s free, after we pay for the land and the farmers and stuff.

 

Moron reports herself to the police for drunk driving

A woman in a small Wisconsin town called police late last Tuesday night to report a drunk driver:  herself.  After drinking “all day long,” the woman got behind the wheel of her car.  While that would be stupid enough to warrant a mention on this blog, she then proceeded to call police to report that she had been drinking and didn’t want to hurt anybody.

The officer she was speaking with instructed her to pull over and put her flashers on.  She was apparently too drunk to know what to do other than call the police!

If only all drunk drivers were this stupid.

 

Customers trash Burlington Coat Factory after fake lottery winner won’t pay for their purchases

Burlington Coat Factory customers at a store near Columbus, Ohio were sorely disappointed earlier this week after a “lottery winner” offered to pay for up to $500 of merchandise per shopper.  Store managers reported that she paid for approximately $5,000 worth of merchandise with a credit card before the card’s limit was reached.  The woman explained that she had to go to the bank to transfer money, but she never returned.  When police declared the shopping spree to be over, angry shoppers with cart-fulls of merchandise (that they expected to be getting for free) trashed the store.

Here’s a tip; if something sounds to good to be true, THEN IT IS!  The poor workers that had to sort through this mess….

 

Morons at sign company misspell every word except “Exit” on Wisconsin freeway sign

It takes a real moron (or a team of them) to misspell three out of four words on a road sign.  The Wisconsin Department of Transportation ordered a sign with the words “Exit 185,” “Business 51,” “Rothschild,” and “Schofield” from Decker Supply Company of Madison.  However, the sign posted misspelled three of the four words; only “Exit” was spelled correctly.

A representative of Decker says the company usually only has one or two sign mistakes per year.

Arbor Green, Inc. of Portage erected the sign. None of their employees noticed the misspellings, either.

 

Moron sues because Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries aren’t real berries

A judge in California threw out a lawsuit filed by a woman who was upset that Crunchberries are not a real fruit.  Legal blog Lowering the Bar reported last week that the woman claimed she had been purchasing Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries cereal for over four years believing that she was eating a type of berry.  When she discovered that Crunchberries are not a real fruit, she sued Cap’n Crunch for Fraud and Breach of Warranty.

The judge, it seems, had some common sense and concluded a reasonable consumer could have figured out that Crunchberries are not and have never been a real berry, and that closely examining the box reveals this fact.  The judge stated:

“In this case . . . while the challenged packaging contains the word “berries” it does so only in conjunction with the descriptive term “crunch.” This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a “crunchberry.” Furthermore, the “Crunchberries” depicted on the [box] are round, crunchy, brightly-colored cereal balls, and the [box] clearly states both that the Product contains “sweetened corn & oat cereal” and that the cereal is “enlarged to show texture.” Thus, a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist. . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world.”

So thank heaven a few non-morons are actually left in our legal system!  Although I can’t say too much for the lawyer that took the case.

What’s next – suing Life cereal because it doesn’t actually contain life???!

 

Moron tries to rob store while wearing Snuggie

The new Snuggie – wear it while you read, watch tv, do household chores… or rob a store!  A man in Newton, New Jersey, was arrested by police after trying to break into a closed store.  To try to conceal his identity, the man wore a Snuggie.

Although comfortable, the Snuggie was not an invisibility cloak, and the man was apprehended and charged (along with several others) with criminal mischief and criminal intent of burglary.

 

Moron tries to rob store with banana, then eats it

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to be trying to pull off a badly-planned robbery?

A 17-year-old in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, was arrested Thursday on charges of attempted armed robbery.  Police say he entered an internet cafe and demanded money, implying that a bump in his shirt was a gun.  The owner of the cafe and a patron wrestled the teen to the ground and held him until police arrived.

While they waited, the teen ate the banana.

Deputies took pictures of the empty peel and joked with the owner about destroying evidence.

 

Moron prisoner cuts penis with zipper in escape plot

Police say a prisoner in the UK was rushed to the hospital after purposely injuring his penis with his pants zipper. Once at the hospital, the prisoner slipped out of his handcuffs and out the hospital window.

However, the prisoner’s escape didn’t last long; he was soon captured after assaulting a woman, stealing her car and leading the police on a high-speed chase.

Police gave no updates on the status of the man’s penile injury.

 

McDonalds morons give out F-word CDs with Happy Meals

Concerned parents have flooded McDonalds with complaints about one of the CDs the company has been giving out with its Happy Meals.  McDonalds has been giving out several Kidz Bop CDs, popular songs resung by kids, as its Happy Meal toy giveaway item.  One of the CDs includes Gavin DeGraw’s “I Don’t Wanna Be.”  Some parents have complained that the lyric, “I’m tired of looking around” sounds exactly like “I’m tired of f*ing around.”

McDonalds insists that the lyrics are not profane, and that customers are simply misunderstanding them.  They have refused to pull the CDs from circulation and will continue to give them out with Happy Meals.

You can decide for yourself by listening to the Kidz Bop version:

I would assume McDonalds wouldn’t want to have any objectionable content in their Happy Meals.  But, oh wait, they already include imported South American beef in their hamburgers, so I guess they must be okay with objectionable content.

 

Morons at Ryanair charge fee just to check in

European low-cost airline carrier Ryanair announced earlier this week that it would start charging passengers a £5 (about $7.50) fee to print out boarding passes from web-based check-in. But, since the airline is doing away with traditional face-to-face check-in, all passengers will have to pay this fee.

Plus, If you can’t find a computer and a printer to check in and print out your boarding pass before arriving at the airport, you will be charged £40 ($61)!

This new in-person check-in fee ultimately means that passengers booking flights on the go (including a lot of student backpackers booking flights at internet cafes without printers, will have to pay an additional $61 per flight, or $122 round-trip.

I have flown Ryanair several times while travelling around Europe.  It’s a cattle call, but it’s a cheap flight!  Sometimes, flights are even “free”; the only money exchanged is for the fees.  But there’s the catch – the fees are exhorbitant.

I swear, their fee structure is just a marketing ploy to get around advertising the real cost of their flights .  I wonder what would happen if airlines had to advertise prices with all fees included?

Telling consumers what something really costs?  That would be too much common sense.  And, as we all know, that’s something morons just don’t have.